Children & Grief

When my Dido died I thought I knew how each of my boys would handle it.

Tate is like me, he keeps everything bottled up inside not really showing much emotion until it all gets too much and he looses it completely.

Damon lets it out as he feels it, doesn't hide it and finds it easy to talk about things and gets frustrated with Tate and I when we don't.

Ethan on the other hand is a little bit of both boys.

Each of the boys have had thier moments in the last few months and are each still dealing with their grief and I am doing me best to help and support them in anyway I can.

Ethan said the sweetest thing a few weeks ago and I am finding that he has the most questions about it all still. He believes that Dido is in heaven with Tiger (our dog) and Aunty Kerry (my sister) and that Dido is in charge of the rain. So when it rains and he doesn't want it to, he looks up and says "OH come on Dido".

I will often find the boys talking about Dido, which normally ends up with one or all of us in tears. 

Ethan asked me the other when his heart will stop hurting, which just broke my heart.

It is getting easier and I think the more we talk and about Dido and remember him the less our hearts will hurt. At least I hope so anyway!

Saying Good-Bye

Last week my heart was broken and it is going to take a long time for my heart to heal. I know that it will never fully be fixed but it will get easier and that is what I am holding onto. That, and the fact I need to stay strong and be here for my kids.

On Thursday, March 29th at 8.30am my Dido died.

When my phone rang at 4.41am I knew it was not going to be good news, unless mum was drunk and drunk calling me.........

I could barely understand what she was saying but I managed to get something about Dido taking a turn, I told her I would be at the hospital as soon as I could.

I threw on whatever clothes I could find (and I would wear these clothes for the next 36 hours), jumped into the car and drove straight to the Royal Adelaide Hospital. When I arrived at 5am I found my Mum and Baba and we went in together. I still had no idea what had happened but was praying that everything was going to be ok as soon as Dido saw Baba.

Oh how wrong I was.....

I will save you guys all the details but my beloved Dido had stopped breathing around 3am and they resusitated him but had a ventilator breathing for him.

We were taken to a room and told of the full extend of what had occured and what it ment. We were given time to sit with him and say out good byes.

All I could keep thinking was "This was never ment to happen, you were ment to live forever!"

The next week every waking moment was filled with family at my grand parents house.

My Baba and Dido got married when Baba was about 17 and Dido was about 21, they have been married for 64 years. My Baba lost the love of her life, the father to her children, her best friend. My mum lost her father, I lost my Dido and my children lost their great grandfather. Our lives will never be the same.

I have never cried so much in my life. I will share anouther post about the funeral and the impact this has had and is having on my children, but for now I am going to wipe away these tears and remember all the wonderful memeories I have of my Dido.